Some people say memories last a lifetime, but do they? Value is not always how much you pay. What lasts longer, an item, or a picture in ones mind, and which is more valuable? We live in a world where some poeple spend millions of dollars on purses or maybe dimond studded t-shirts. Does the more something cost increse its value?
We raced down to the pond, eleven in all. We all bring blankets, and colleen brings her iPod, of course. It’s only around 7:30 P.M. so we have some time. The pond has little ripples that, in fifteen, will fade to glass. All the adults sit at the one picnic table, and we kids play in the water fully clothed. The bottom of the sun touches the top of the very distant mountain. We all simultaneously get out of the water, and sit in the sand. We’re alone on the pond, and it’s nice us being together. The sky looks as if it’s separated into many different groups; it starts out shades orange, and fades into a pink, then the blue of the night sky. No one says anything, and it’s even prettier then last night, or last year. The sun falls faster and faster until all that’s left is the vibrant stars lighting up the dark sky. We begin our journey back to cabin, and hope it will be just as pretty tomorrow night.
The camera clicks and that’s got to be my 90th picture today. I love my camera, bright red with beautiful picture quality and the brightest flash you will see. I scroll through the taken pictures, delete this one, keep that one. I find a pretty flower, and it’s saved to my memory card and I just keep snapping picture. I bring my camera into my house, upload the picture to my computer, and head back outside. I delete what stored on my camera to make more room and snap another twenty pictures.
My camera and the sunset are similar in so many ways. First my camera carries such beautiful colors, and the sunset, well the colors are just magical. Another similarity is that, I enjoy both. I love taking picture, and looking at pictures on my camera, and the sunset, it’s my favorite event to watch. The last similarity between my digital camera and the sunset is that they both remind me of my family. My camera is usually filled with at least fifty percent of pictures of my family, and I can’t watch a sunset alone, I’m always watching it with my cousins, or my parents or my brother, but I can’t watch the sunset alone.
My camera is different from the sunset because the sunset I see every night for about twenty minutes, where I always have my camera, and I can use it for longer the sun is up. Also I can record things with my camera and play them over and over, once the sun disappears over the mountains, it’s gone until the next night.
So I guess it depends on the person’s point-of-view, if they would rather have something they have in their hands, or have something in the back of their minds. I don’t think you can really put a price on something you can’t hold. One way for me to think about is, if my camera breaks, it’s gone, but the sun will give me a beautiful show every night of the week.
8 comments:
Hey Shaneeeeeeeee! Nice Job. i liked your comparison
I think that Shane clearly knows what is valuable to her and what just doesn't mean anything.
I really liked how Shane described the sunset. I liked how you used good diction to describe what you saw. The flow was very good and it definitely felt more poetic to me then a regular piece of writing.
I think your overall strength was in your choice of words. You didn't use very many but the words you did use fit perfectly.
I think that next time you should try to expand on your writing. Make it longer and put more detail into it. You could describe how you feel when you watch the sun set, or what everyone around you is doing. Is everyone quiet? or are people chatting in the corner? Tell me more!
but you did a really gooood job. =D
I think that Shane has her own idea of determining whether something is valuable or valules.
I thought that Shane did an excellent job of describing the sunset. She was very descriptive and talked about who was with her, and what they did at the time. She also described the colors of the actual sunset nicely.
In general, one of Shane's overall essay strengths was her conclusion. She did a great job comparing the two items. My favorite part of the conclusion was when she said,"One way for me to think about is, if my camera breaks, it’s gone, but the sun will give me a beautiful show every night of the week." I thought this sentence was very thoughtful, and made her essay end on a good note.
One suggestion I might give Shane is to make sure she proof reads her work. Next time, proof read because there are a few simple grammatical errors, but they can be easily fixed.
Your camera and sunset seem really important to you. I really like the first question, “Some people say memories last a lifetime, but do they?” That question made me really want to read more.
I thought you described the sunset really well. You had good word choice and I could feel myself at the pond watching the sunset. I like how you described just one time watching the sunset and not just a plain old day, that made your writing more detailed and more descriptive.
I definitely thought your overall strength was your word choice. One of my favorite sentences is when you say, “The pond has little ripples that, in fifteen, will fade to glass.” I also thought your two questions in the beginning of the story were very good.
I think you add more things about your camera. I also think you need to expand on your introduction paragraph. The two questions are very good but try to stretch it out a little. All in all it was a very good essay and I enjoyed reading it.
That was a very good essay and I understood why the sunset and camera was valuable. The camers sounds like a very nice, high-tch, grea quality camera. The sunset sounds fun to watch and I liked how you said that you can't watch a sunset alone.
I think the sunset was described more vividly because you wrote the present test very well and I could picture what you were writing. I liked how you said you and your cousins and brother go into the pond with your clothes on.
Your strength was definitely using the right words to describe your valuable things. You had a nice vocabulary and used rich adjectives that made the essay even better.
The only thing that I would say to make it better is to make your introductory paragraph longer. You started off really well and had a different approach than everyone else but I think it should be longer. Other than that, it was a very intriguing essay!
In the essay it shows that Shane values the sunset and her camera both very much. I can't clearly tell which she values more. She shows that she cares about both equally.
I found that the sunset was described very vividly, but I didn't know what she was talking about until the comparison. But once I went back after I knew I could tell that it was described very well. I really liked the phrase "The sky looks as if it’s separated into many different groups; it starts out shades orange, and fades into a pink, then the blue of the night sky."
I think the strongest part of this essay was the comparison and the whole ending. You really explained both and I knew how they were similar and different. I liked how she wrote more than just a one sentence similarity and a one sentence difference.
The one thing that I think you should consider is expanding on your intro. It's really short, and it kind of gets the meaning across. However, it might be more useful for the reader if you wrote more "clues" about what you are going to write about.
In Shane's introduction paragraph, she probably could improve on grabbing the readers attention more. I loved how she described the sunset. I could picture in my head the moment that could probably have lasted forever.
The thing that she could probably improve on would have to be for her to use more of a bigger vocabulary. She did a really good job on describing her camera. I would picture how many pictures she must have on that thing by the way she described it.
The comparison she did between the camera and the sunset was perfect. it made a lot of sense and was easy to read. I thought that she did a really great job on that part.
Overall, i think that shane did an excellent job and maybe should improve her work a little bit, but everything else is right no the spot!
Good Job Shane!!!
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